somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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