Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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