I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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