so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
