I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
