i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
