Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
