some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
FUCK WHALES
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
