the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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