why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
