my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
