Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can I color on your dick again?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Someone signed my nipple.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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