you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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