i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
