Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
