the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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