I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
