shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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