I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need a beard to bite.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
