I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
