omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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