I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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