Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
