I want to have your abortion
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
