The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
