We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
