her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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