Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
