Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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