Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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