im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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