this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
