I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
