Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
