it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
