I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
