omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
