Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
