capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
