i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we made out on top of his cat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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