i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
