Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
