worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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