he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
