A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
