You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
