11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
