i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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