Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
