I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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