Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
