So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
