Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
